on waiting.

It's a luxury, and also an indication of how much that person is willing to hold off on life, for you.
I remembered how my dad would wait for me after school; how my boyfriend would wait for me to pick me up.
But it's hard to find someone these days to just "wait" for someone without being occupied further, by their smartphones. Or they just decided that they not wait at all.
Waiting - it's a sign of respect in my opinion; and a sign that the person that he/she's waiting for, is worth it.
When resources are scarce, and time as a resource is limited, waiting becomes a luxury and may only be reserved for those tho are worth it  - for the person waiting for you.

On friendship

I may be asking too much; especially when I'm not always there for friends - consistency and response .,, will that be too much to ask?

On the outside I seem to be doing ok by myself; but on the inside I wish that someone wouldve been there a lot more than I wanted him/her to. It never happens so I never attempted to ask. And I almost never reciprocate precisely becos of this.

I am very prone to getting hurt - in fact
I try to stay away or stay prickly becos I know if I let someone in, he/she has the power to reduce me to ashes. I get very upset and I never really recover from it. I lose a bit of me everytime this happens.. And then one day I will be stripped of kindness and empathy. My core
Will be hard and I will no longer budge for anything; anyone.

I'm trying my best to not get there - to that point, but this is a chronic situation. The best I can do is monitor and prevent this from getting worse... From self erosion.

I miss my friends. I wish they will reach out to me more often.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Postmodern relationships

is exactly that. 

Marriage - is an attempt of a couple to forge and seal a relationship together. 

Divorce - this happens when marriage does not work. And last I heard it's about 50% of the time that this may happen. So it's a fair bet. I often blame it on a few things, but primarily on longer lifespans...humans used to have shorter lifespans, hence it's easier to stay loyal. Lifespans are extended, many of us are fortunate to live in safer environments, so the need to bind together is reduced. And all that + a little lack of love + a dash of curiosity of another individual...we get a fine recipe for a divorce. 

Postmodern relationships are undefined. In my opinion these are relationships between individuals..it could be complicated but it could also be very simple. Postmodern relationships are not standardized; couples who engage in postmodern relationships are not categorized in a generic mould but are defined by the lack of a structure. 

Postmodern relationships do not spring from a cultural need; nor are they built on function - these relationships, at the core, are often built on a continued interest in an individual over a period of time. 

More on this topic later. Gotta get a nap. 

I want to write something but I don't know what to write!! OMG!! Twitter sucked the essence out of me.

I mean, really - I'm officially a P3 (read: P cubed) - professional paper pusher. I think I could start teaching a course or two about how best to push paperwork down and out the door.

My windshield is cracked...I don't know how that happened but I think the crack appears to be growing longer everyday.

A truck smashed against a guardrail on a highway, and was literally burnt to the ground. The truck contained cereal...btw, what does burnt truck and flaming cereal smell like?

Where have I been hiding??

So really, where?? Truth of the matter is, I have not been hiding. I think it's only because people have stopped asking me for help..or need me. Hence my existence did not register for a few months. It all started something like this...(fade in, blurry blurry vision, and we're staring at the past)

Flip flip flip through my outlook why don't we, and notice something? That other than 3-4 close people I see on a regular basis, I have not had parties, have not hung out with anyone in months! Yes, I have finally mutated into a living breathing hermit crab..my skin has been peeling off like scales and I have been painfully scraping them off to make way for my shell. Some people at work started asking if I am developing a really bad case of eczema...or have I been drinking that black gunk from the aliens in District 9.

Ok, all that scif-fi crap aside - there's no rhyme or reason why I have no parties to go to, and no one to hang out with. But I've since cooked up a reason which probably is going to make me feel better - I stopped looking to hang out with people...and I ended up not hanging out with anyone because I no longer appear to want to hang out anymore. So people stopped asking.

It's really like hurting cats, you see. People often ask if I wanted to hang out, if I wanted to get together and do something. I ignored most of it for the umpteenth degree and I let the appointment slide. I don't know why that is but I just don't feel like hanging out with anyone. But then after rejecting (or more like ignoring), I complain about nobody caring about me. It's like I chopped my hand off and I complain about the pain and inconvenience it caused me...without even hesitating to think that I inflicted it on myself...

I even went as far as diagnosing myself with having the ultimate, cool illness of having Asperger's. That way I can explain to people why I really really don't have an innate sense to hang out in the past few months...it's not because I don't like to, it's because no matter how much I tried I feel like I'm not getting there...cos i have an illness..a strong anxiety prior to socializing. And hey, maybe that's the case because I've often felt nervous prior to hanging out with any large group (a symptom!). What's sweet too is that people with Asperger's are highly intelligent, and people take the extra effort to become friends with someone who has high functioning autism. All in all a win win situation for me because it describes me to the tee (ha ha) and I don't need to change myself to fit into the social scene. I could just be...well the person with the Asperger's (awwww) so I am trying my best to show up, and when I do you better appreciate it. Not a bad idea at all!!

Blurry blurry vision, back to reality - so here I am, writing about why or how to rationalize why I was off the grid for a few months. And perhaps this trend will continue, or it will just go away and I'll be a happy jolly person again. Experience tells me it's not really going to. So unfortunately, I'm just going to have to continue dealing with the solitude I'm so used to having, perhaps with a bit of social life here and there....and that is until I get what I want!!

OverSharing ???


I'm a geek. Total absolute geekiness defines me. And I love knowledge, I love the CBC (think CNN and BBC equivalent). I love listening to the Metro Morning show in the morning and particularly enjoyed listening to pop culture critiques by Jesse Hirsh.

This morning, in particular, I thought I listened to something wildly amusing and thought I should share with some of you who probably reads my blog. I don't know who you are but if you do read my blog (hello!), good for you.....and I highly recommend keeping this as a habit.

Topic of the day - oversharing. What exactly is oversharing? And why is this something worth spending my precious time discussing to death?

Well, my friend, I think that some of us have actually become enslaved by the idea of "oversharing" on twitter, facebook, and/or whichever medium you've decided to spill your beans in.

I'm talking about second by second, minute by minute status (stati??) updates of what has happened in one's life. It seems to be happening more often to more people...and it's an observation that I actually tend to have noticed for quite sometime now without a word to really define this situation. Jesse seemed to have offered me that word that I could use to sum up what I wanted to say about sharing too much!

Sideeffects of oversharing - sweating a lot, carpal tunnel syndrome as result of excessive checking of social media sites often for the "kick", namely the kudos, the comments, and the number of retweets. Haha - guilty as charged? Am I bullshitting? I think only you will know. I for one won't be judging because I did, at one point,  enjoyed all the attention from friends and followers. Yes I admit I once committed the heinous crime of oversharing because I was an attention whore. But I shall whore myself no more because I realized that it's become devastating to my (im)personal life.

The consequences of oversharing -  could sometimes be rather dire. We all know too well the story of that girl who openly dissed the employer, who happened to be her friend...among hundreds of other friends she probably don't even recall ever meeting in real life. And it all began with a status update bitching about her boss....

I also recently came across a video posted by my friend that went viral in asia - a man was physically abusive to a puppy in front of the camera. The entire video lasted about 5-6 minutes and during the entire time, this man was continuously hitting the puppy and throwing the puppy against the walls...as though it was just a toy, an object. My friend and a number of individuals found the source of the video, chased the origin of the video to some girl on facebook and questioned her about the details of the video and demanded an explanation. She then contacted someone from an animal rights group in said country (in this case Malaysia) and reported the crime.

So perhaps the "idea" of oversharing may not be that bad after all. On one end of the spectrum we observe tarnished reputation and devastated careers as result of increased exposure, but on the other end of the spectrum we see activism at play and lives saved as result of oversharing.

Something to think about for the night no?